


I Choose None of This

by frozenCinders



Category: Bx: Execute (OFF Fangame)
Genre: CSRverse, Gen, Pokemon AU, gb/huaso is in this because canon but like, guess who the last encounter is!, not enough to tag it i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25360795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenCinders/pseuds/frozenCinders
Summary: Bad Batter has been playing a lot of a certain game recently. Ghost Batter just wanted to take a nap, not go on a journey in his dreams.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Pestilence and Abundance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, thank you for deciding to look at yet another one of my csrverse crackfics.
> 
> i'd also like to note that huaso's accent is toned down not because i'm trying to Nerf him, but because i just don't typically bake accents into text, as it can make both the words themselves and especially intonation very hard to read (for me, at least). i feel like it's especially important to make sure dialogue is legible.

When Ghost opens his eyes, he does not recognize his surroundings.

"Not this shit again," he grumbles, knowing damn well he fell asleep in his bed, like a normal person. He instead finds himself in an empty room with no features aside from a door-- impossible to see out of due to the glaring light beyond. Ghost sits with his arms crossed and waits for a few moments before begrudgingly getting up and crossing the threshold of the door.

"Oh, there y'are, Ghost!" Huaso calls, and Ghost immediately perks up at the sound of his voice.

"Well, shit, at least I'm in good company," he says. "Where are we?"

"Did ya forget? Your journey officially starts today! You've been trainin' real hard for it 'n' everything!"

"My fucking what?"

"Here, I've been holdin' onto your Pokémon just like ya asked!"

Oh, fuck. This has to be his brother's fault, then, what with his recent obsession.

"Uh. Thanks," Ghost says, because he can't think of how the hell else to respond and he isn't about to snap at Huaso, of all people.

In Bad's game, he always has six Pokémon on him, but Huaso only hands one ball to Ghost. He doesn't know how to get the monsters out of the balls, so he pockets it and assumes it'll just sort of show up when he needs it.

"Y'know, I've actually been thinkin'... Wouldn't it be neat if I was the one to kick off your journey? Quick fight, just you 'n' me," Huaso says. Ghost almost instinctively refuses before remembering they'd be using Pokémon.

"Uh... you know, I'm kind of having an off day," Ghost says, because it might as well be true. He's either dreaming or-- oh, it's a dream. That explains everything.

"Come on, it'll take two minutes!" Huaso interlinks his claws under his chin, a rare and desperate move from him that has a 100% lethality rate against ghosts with baseball caps.

"Alright, alright, fine," Ghost concedes. "Fuck, you're so gonna kick my ass."

Huaso laughs-- a sound that melts Ghost's dumb little heart-- and throws a ball into the air. Out pops a colorful pile of sludge that puddles on the ground before rising up and revealing a face. It's covered in bumps that match its teeth.

Ghost mimicks this action and out of his own ball comes a giant... mech? It lands quite heavily, visibly jostling Huaso as it shakes the ground. The mech stands up straight and Ghost discovers that it is obscenely tall to match its weight.

"Oh, fuck yes," he says. "... Wait, shit, I don't know how to, like..."

"Pull out your 'dex, Ghost! It'll remind ya of what moves Golurk has!"

Golurk? That's an okay name, he guesses. Ghost remembers Bad changing the names of his own monsters and contemplates doing the same to Golurk.

Ghost searches himself for whatever Huaso thinks he has and finds an unfamiliar little rectangular shape. When he pulls it out, he opens it on its hinge and a screen flicks on, showing what's just beyond the other side of the device. When Ghost points it at Golurk, some information pops up.

"... Shadow Punch?" Ghost reads aloud as he takes in its moveset, and the mech immediately obeys. It lands an unexpectedly quick hit on Huaso's pile of sludge, but the thing barely reacts.

"Huh? C'mon, Ghost, it's Ground against Poison! Don't go easy on me, now!" Huaso... scolds, he guesses? "Let him taste a li'l Toxic, Muk!"

The sludge pile forms an arm and rips one of its crystals off, holding it out towards Golurk before crushing it. The mech recoils but its health reading doesn't go down-- but Ghost then notices that, right next to its health, there is an indication that it's been poisoned. _Then_ its health goes down a tad.

"Oh, bullshit, how do you poison a mech?!"

"It ain't a Steel type, Ghost!"

As if in response to their exchange, the dex pops up a new window showing information on statuses. Only Poison and Steel types are immune to poison, only Fire types are immune to burns... Ghost closes the window, figuring he doesn't have time to read all of that right now.

While he's thinking about types, though, he remembers what Huaso said and looks at the typing of Golurk's moveset. Shadow Punch is Ghost type, Heavy Slam is Steel, Fire Punch is obviously Fire, and...

"Uh... use Earthquake?"

Ghost almost rushes over to Huaso when he sees him start struggling to maintain his footing, but he catches himself before Ghost can think to move. By the time the quaking subsides, the dex reads that Muk is at about 1/4th health.

"See, now you're remembering your matchups! Sorry to have to do this to ya, but go ahead and Crunch 'em, Muk!"

The sludge slinks closer to Golurk and opens its maw, bringing those horrid poisonous crystals down on it. They don't break, luckily, but the dex indicates that the bite dealt massive damage. Golurk had taken a step back in its sorry attempt to dodge the attack, and it falls to a knee now that the poison is kicking in again, eating away at its health.

"Shit. Uhhh..."

Earthquake worked wonders last time, so Ghost commands Golurk to use it again. It musters up the energy to raise a fist and slam it into the ground, causing another quake that disturbs the sludge and has it rolling up into itself. When the tremors calm once more, Muk unrolls but does not move. A little blip draws Ghost's attention and he sees that Golurk has gone up in level from 54 to 55.

"Heh. Well, Ground's a pretty darn strong type, after all," Huaso says, returning the Muk to its ball. "Here, let me take care of Golurk."

He pulls out a few items-- some various spray bottles-- and Ghost watches the dex as Golurk's health improves on the screen.

"It was a good fight!" he says when the treatment is done. "Thanks for humorin' me, Ghost!"

"Yeah, no problem. Thanks for, uh... reminding me. Of shit."

He actually appreciates the makeshift tutorial.

"Actually, one more thing before ya head out. I got this little guy because he reminded me of you, but I figure ya could use his help on your journey."

Huaso holds out a ball, different from the one Muk resides in. This one is all black with red and gold bands. Fancy.

"Huaso, you don't have to give me this," Ghost says, "not if it's important to you."

"He _is_ important to me, so ya treat him right!"

Ghost smiles and Huaso outmatches it.

"A Poison type from me to you! I'd recommend findin' either Carbine or Mida next, considerin' your new type advantage. Neither of 'em are real good against Poison. Although, Ground'll do ya some good against Flo."

"Thanks for the advice, Huaso. Guess I'll be going now." Not that he has any idea where to actually go.

"Oh! _One_ last thing!" Huaso adds as he digs through a pocket. "Y'know. Just in case."

He hands Ghost some of the kinds of sprays he'd used on Golurk.

"Hey, thanks. I really appreciate it."

"Alright, I've taken up enough of your time. Go on, get!"

Ghost allows himself to be shooed away, traveling down a route that is filled with little Elsens. Three of them are in a group, wheezing about the giant spider Pokémon nearby. Another one is trying to catch it. Ghost leaves them to it.

He didn't expect to come across a town so quickly, but it appears that he has. The Elsens offer him helpful tips and Ghost learns that the Ghost type is weak against itself, which is kind of fucking stupid. He'll just have to hope Golurk can outpunch any other Ghost around. Oh, speaking of Golurk...

Ghost opens the dex and taps Golurk's name, backspacing it and thinking for a moment before typing in "Knight". Yes, that's a cool name. Next to Knight is the Pokémon that Huaso gave him, which has a little purple icon. When Ghost taps it to pull up a bigger image, he sees a specter with disembodied hands. Heh.

This one also has Shadow Punch, which Ghost approves of. More importantly, though, it has Sludge Bomb, which will apparently be useful against Mida and Carbine. Haunter is only level 48, but Ghost figures he can fix that.

He backtracks into the previous route and finds that the group of worried Elsens has increased from three to four, and the spider is now alone and uncaptured.

"Um... my attempt didn't go so great," the Elsen who had been trying to catch it says.

"Can... can you please get rid of the spider? It hisses at us when we try to pass, and, um... Electric is super effective against all our stuff..." another one meekly requests.

"Sure, why the fuck not," Ghost agrees. It'll give Haunter an opportunity to get some experience. He tosses the ball Huaso gave him into the air and catches it carefully once Haunter is out. It knowingly floats over to the giant yellow spider, which spreads its mandibles to hiss its discontent. A Sludge Bomb and a Dark Pulse send the cowardly creature skittering away, and the dex hums as it registers the experience.

Behind Ghost, the Elsens start cheering and making their way to town. Ghost is too distracted to acknowledge them, approaching the wrecked spiderweb and retrieving a yellow disc. He points the dex at it and discovers that the disc somehow contains a move called Thunderbolt. Haunter floats over and the dex indicates that he can learn it.

Ghost fiddles with the interface until he figures out how to "teach" the move, at which point he is prompted to delete one to make space.

"Uh... guess you don't need two Ghost type moves," Ghost says, deleting Shadow Ball. He will keep Shadow Punch because he likes it.

The disc glows and shatters in Ghost's hands, and he drops the shards onto the remains of the spider's web.

When Ghost heads back to town with the intent of moving on from it, he finds three paths available to him. One just leads to an empty building that Ghost gives a once-over before leaving. The next path he chooses is flanked with trees and tall grass. Haunter has a field day with the monsters that jump out at him and gains a level by the time Ghost reaches a relatively safe-looking clearing.

There are burnt patches here and there, and Ghost fully expects to see Flo around, but he instead finds Mida, solemnly staring down at one of the patches. He sighs before noticing Ghost.

"Oh, hello there. Seems like Flo's gone on another arson spree... At least the damage isn't too severe this time."

There is a neat little house nestled between two huge trees and right beside it lies a sleeping monster. It somewhat resembles Mida, what with the tree growing out of the back of its shell.

"How silly of me, of course you're here for a fight! Well, Torterra is sleeping peacefully, so I will be using a different friend. Let's move so we don't disturb it. Also so we don't accidentally destroy my house."

When Mida throws his ball, the monster that comes out just about blends right into the foliage. It has four huge leafy wings and its body resembles a tree, with what appears to be fruit growing at its neck.

"Be careful not to get under Tropius's feet. Can't spell Tropius without several letters from "trample"!"

"Try trampling a fucking ghost, dicktits," Ghost says, and Haunter giggles besides him with a clawed hand to his mouth.

"... Whoops! That's right, Normal moves don't work on Ghosts. What a predicament... hmm..."

Haunter is quicker than that giant tree dinosaur, and it spits a Sludge Bomb at it before Mida can make a decision. Either Tropius is pretty hardy, or Haunter needs a lot more experience, because it only takes out about a third of its health even though the dex tells him that the type matchup is advantageous.

"Well, I assume your specialty is Ghost and not Fire, so then... Sunny Day!"

Ghost looks up, confused.

"... I guess?"

Just as he says that, the clouds all seem to dissipate and the sun shines obnoxiously brightly.

"That'll wake Tropius up with a little speed boost. ... Boy, this sure is an unfortunate matchup, though! Try to suck the life out of that ghost!"

At Mida's command, the empowered Tropius magically drains some of the energy from Haunter. He shakes it off with relative ease, taking minor damage.

"Ah... yup, that sucks!"

Tropius has wings, and one of the Elsens complaining that Electric is good against all their monsters had a bird. Ghost figures he wants to see Thunderbolt in action and commands Haunter to use it. It does _considerably_ less damage.

"Well, shit."

Mida has Tropius uses Synthesis, and Ghost watches its health crawl back up to full.

"Well, _shit_."

Ghost sticks with Sludge Bomb and battles Tropius's healing ability until the sunshine dies down.

"Well, only one option left, then. Bit of a gruesome one," Mida says.

Haunter gets off another Sludge Bomb before Mida can reveal what he's referring to, but Tropius still stands strong. Mida commands it to use Outrage, and it shakes and twitches before roaring and launching its entire body at Haunter with newfound energy. The impact is severe, and Haunter doesn't get back up. The dex tells him that it's unconscious and to return it to its ball, and Ghost hopes to god that the monster Huaso gave him isn't dead.

He returns Haunter and sends Knight out in its place. Tropius lands another devastating blow before Knight can move, but it weathers the attack and finishes the leafy beast with a Fire Punch. It falls over backwards, almost comical, and Mida returns it before it can hit the ground.

"Whoopsies! See, fire was the thing I was hoping you _wouldn't_ have. Shame on my dumb ass for not thinking the punch ghost would have punch moves."

Mida laughs. Ghost stares down at the ball Huaso gave him, anxious about Haunter.

"... What is it? If you head back to town, an Elsen in the red-roofed building will heal your Pokémon for you. It'd be pretty pathetic if it died from a single attack! Hohoho."

In Bad's game, at least, the monsters are quite hardy, only "fainting" as opposed to dying. Haunter is probably fine.

"Ah, before I forget... take this with you." Mida holds out a green disc. "If you can teach the thing to actually _survive_ a hit, this should help keep it alive for longer!"

The dex reads the disc, which turns out to be for teaching Giga Drain, the move Mida tried to use on Haunter earlier. Ghost looks up when he hears a tired growl.

"Ah, lazy bastard's gotten up, then. Alright, I'm coming!"

Ghost distractedly floats back to town, ignoring the Pokémon that try to pick fights with Knight. His speed increases when he sees a red roof, eager to get inside and see how Haunter will turn out. The Elsen at the counter takes both balls and places them on a machine. After a few seconds, he returns them to Ghost.

"All healed up! Try not to get hurt again..."

Ghost thanks him and pops outside to check on Haunter. He's energetic again, acting like nothing happened, and Ghost sighs in relief.

"Alright, now to figure this fuckin' thing out again. Fuck, how long is this dream, anyway?"

Ghost looks up as if the sky will give him an answer. Looks like he's doomed to spend ten minutes on the move interface again, then, since he won't wake up.


	2. Health and Peace

Once Ghost figured out how to teach Haunter Giga Drain, he set him loose on some wild Pokémon until he reached level fifty. The process is slow-going and Ghost really doesn't mind Knight being the stronger one, so he figures that's good enough and finally moves on. He takes the third path available to him this time, and quickly finds a laboratory within his line of sight.

"Either Borbo or Flo, I guess," Ghost figures. As he gets closer to the lab, there are more scorch marks and even freshly smoldered embers scattered around, so he safely assumes the latter.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he hears Flo squeak excitedly somewhere to his distant left. "Finally, it worked!"

Ghost turns and pursues the voice, finding Flo visibly giddy as he stares up at a tall monster with tendrils of flame flowing from its arms.

"Yes!!! Now, if only you could stay this way..."

Flo turns and notices Ghost, who is decidedly unsettled by the glint in those silly blue glasses.

"Ghost! Care for a fight?" he asks, and the Pokémon turns to face him, idly balancing on one leg as its flames flow almost thoughtfully.

"I mean, I'm guessing that's the whole fucking point of my "journey" is fighting all the Harbingers, so... shit, yeah."

"Excellent! Ohhh, you won't regret it! ... Actually, you will! But I won't!" Flo jumps in place and immediately commands his monster into battle. "Show me Blaze Kick again! Please, please, please!"

The Pokémon leaps at Haunter so quickly that it practically teleports into him, immediately knocking him out with a single connection of a flame-wrapped kick. Ghost glances at the dex and immediately sees the problem.

"Level FUCKING 70?! And what's with the fuckin'... the, like, rainbow thing next to its health?!"

"He's Mega evolved! Now, send out your next Pokémon! Come on, come on, come on, come on!" Flo urges him less than patiently. Ghost is clearly grossly outmatched, but he chances sending Knight out anyway. Huaso told him Ground would be useful against Flo, so he tells Knight to use Earthquake, but Flo's obnoxious flaming speedster gets off another kick before it can move. Luckily, Knight doesn't take nearly as much damage as Haunter did, but it's still a significant amount-- unlike the amount that Flo's damn chicken takes.

Flo looks ready to explode with glee, his eyes sparkling behind those lenses and honestly looking menacing with how they're lit by the fire of his monster's arms.

"Ohhh, I wanna see it so bad!!! Blaziken, show me Flare Blitz! I'll heal you after!"

Even Ghost has to admit, it's kind of fucking glorious. Its whole body becomes enveloped in flame and it leaves a tangible trail that confuses the eyes as it crashes into Knight, absolutely wrecking the remainder of its health. Flo is quite literally jumping for joy, made ecstatic by the excessive fire.

"Alright, fuckass, you wanna calm the hell down before you go fucking full mode on my ass?"

"Oh! Heh... sorry." He scratches the back of his head with an apologetic smile. "Here, come to my lab and I'll heal your Pokémon to make it up to you!"

Blaziken glows and its appearance changes, the thin streams of flame dissipating into the air as its very form calms. Christ, even Flo's Pokémon can go into full mode, it seems.

"That thing is off its shits," Ghost grumbles even as he follows Flo to his lab.

"I know, right?! Isn't he the greatest?! I've been trying so hard to get him into that form! Couldn't get the keystone to work for the longest time..."

As soon as Ghost enters Flo's lab, he sees a bunch of little pink and blue freaks floating around. They move strangely and seem to be able to levitate objects.

"These are my Porygon!" Flo announces. Ghost sidesteps one particularly strange Porygon with its limbs detached from its body. He feels for it, though.

The whole time Flo is chatting to him while he heals their Pokémon, Ghost swears he hears an occasional crackle of electricity from somewhere. He stares at the Porygon, trying to detect if they just make noises like that, but it doesn't seem to be any of them.

"Something wrong, Ghost?" Flo asks, and Ghost realizes Flo has been holding his Pokémon out to him for a good few seconds. He belatedly accepts the balls and Flo's smile returns.

"Uh, is this place not up to fucking code or something? Or am I just hearing shit?" he asks, still looking around for the source of the noise.

"Hm... well, the fire traps probably bar my lab from being "up to code", but what are you hearing?"

"Electricity?"

Flo thinks for a second before bumping the side of his fist onto his palm in realization.

"Oh, Rotom must be awake!" he surmises.

"Rotom?"

As soon as Ghost says the name, the noise gets louder, and he turns to see a little... tiny... sort of balloon-looking thing? It's wrapped in plasma and seems to be using it as extensions of itself, forming lightning-shaped arms with it. It has a mischievous little smile, entirely reminiscent of the pyromaniac beside him.

"Oh, I think it likes you!" Rotom hums a weird little noise in response. "Tell you what, how about you borrow Rotom and go find the other Harbingers? You can just come back and do me last!"

Rotom seems delighted by the idea. Ghost pulls the dex out and sees that it is, in fact, another Ghost type. Like attracts like, he guesses.

"Uh, yeah. Shit, I mean. Thanks. I appreciate this," Ghost says genuinely, albeit awkwardly.

Flo hands Ghost Rotom's Poké Ball, half black with a yellow band in the shape of a U on its top. Rotom flits right inside.

"Okay, so if you head north from here, you should be able to find Par. I think Carbine was around here somewhere, too. Who to fight next is your choice!"

Ghost still feels like he should prioritize Carbine, since he at least knows one move that should work against her, but he's already looked all over the damned town and there's nothing but Elsens. All they do is talk about how much they like their little monsters when they're not giving Ghost random tips, all excited like they just figured them out and want to share them with the nearest person.

"Guess I'll head towards Par and if Carbine shows up, then she shows up," he shrugs.

"Good idea! And, um... y'know, sorry for beating you so bad."

"Alright, fuckin' brag about it, shitass!"

Flo laughs as Ghost floats away from him. He waves goodbye to him and Ghost turns and waves back, even though he's pretending to be annoyed.

Before he heads north, Ghost backtracks because he realizes he never investigated that building with the blue roof. He passed it a few times and made a mental note to check it out, but kept forgetting.

He successfully remembers to step inside this time, and the building is empty save for merchandise lining the shelves and one lone salesman wearing a Pikachu mask. Yes, Ghost knows the name of that one.

"Long time, no see," the merchant greets.

"Wait, Zacharie? What the everloving fuck are you doing here?"

Zacharie chuckles and leans against the counter.

"This is a dream, amigo. Any old figment could show up," he says.

"... Fair enough," Ghost concedes.

As Ghost buys some healing items from Zacharie, he hopes the dream money doesn't equate to real money and that he won't have this unreasonably informed asshole on him about a debt when he wakes up-- or worse, just mysteriously missing credits.

Some of the items available aren't for healing, and when Ghost asks, Zacharie explains that they're for Pokémon to hold, and that they can provide various boosts and effects for them. The only problem Ghost can see is that they're apeshit expensive and the wild Pokémon haven't been dropping any credits. Ghost buys one King's Rock because it has a cool name and looks like a crown, and he gives it to Knight.

Zacharie thanks him for his business, sounding unnecessarily facetious as always, and Ghost continues on his way. He goes back down the road to Flo's lab and heads north through the deforested path, finding little resistance along the way. Anything that lived there must have been scared off by the fire... Ghost will have to tell Flo off once he kicks his ass later.

He pauses suddenly as he's bathed in a gentle, shifting light. He hears a distorted hum coming from the source, and as soon as he lays eyes on the creature, all the tension seems to leave his body. It's slightly difficult to perceive, appearing for the most part to be a living aurora within the light that obscures its form, except for its head that resembles a crescent moon.

The glow gets weaker and Ghost can make its silhouette out a little better, but it then darts away. Ghost finds himself lacking the energy to give chase, so he just watches the trail of light quickly dissipate in its wake.

Where the soothing creature had been floating, a new monster jumps in to take its place, quietly staring after it and ignoring Ghost completely. This one is four legged-- a graceful thing, with a single horn in the shape of a sickle on its head. It looks back where it came from for a second before moving to pursue the fleeing creature.

Ghost decides to leave the Pokémon to chase each other in peace and moves on, seeing another town nearby. This one has a fountain, and sitting right in front of it on a bench is Par.

"Well, that was easy. Hey, asshole!"

Par doesn't acknowledge Ghost, just keeps staring at the ball in his hand.

"Hey! I'm fucking talking to you, you tiny motherfucking pea-brained fucking..." Ghost suddenly becomes conscious of the scene he's making and shuts up, electing to just float over to Par instead.

"... Oh. Uh... were you talking to me?"

"Forget it. Fight me."

Par looks down at the ball again, then holds it open, revealing that it's empty.

"My Absol hasn't come back yet. I can't fight you until she returns," he says.

"What the Christ are you doing sending your monsters out on their own? Aren't they kind of fucking stupid? They don't do anything without being told."

"Absol is smart. She's uh... she's doing me a favor. Cresselia showed up again but I'm not feeling my best today, so I can't chase it."

Ghost almost asks, but he then figures Cresselia must have been the creature that was running away earlier.

"Glowy sort of duck-looking thing?" Ghost asks. "I guess that means the scythe-head was yours."

"Yup! It's got this calming effect and even just a feather from it can chase away nightmares. I know it probably wouldn't like being seen as a feather factory or anything, but I could really use one of those..."

"Shit, you been having nightmares?"

"Oh, no. Not me. Uh... I don't think the person it's for would want me talking about this, though, so... let's pretend it is for me."

Ghost gets that. He'd chase down a floating light duck too if it would help Huaso in any way.

Seeing as Par isn't ready to fight him, Ghost explores the town in the meantime. There's a pond within the limits of it and there is a big blue Pokémon with a long neck and a shell giving some Elsens joy rides to the other side, even though there is plenty of perfectly good ground to walk on.

Just exploring is hardly passing the time well enough, so Ghost starts trying to convince the Elsens to battle him. Probably because he's not wearing a god damn tie, they shy away from him, politely declining.

"Will SOMEBODY in this fucking town fucking FIGHT ME?!" Ghost yells to no one and everyone.

Ghost hears clanking, and it's getting loud _fast_.

"HOLY SHIT," he automatically swears when he turns and sees some sort of _thing_ made entirely of blades running at him. Rotom flits out of its ball of its own accord and zaps the monster, stopping it in its tracks. It twitches as it's seized by the electricity coursing through it, trying in vain to continue approaching Ghost.

"I mean, fuck, I guess I was fucking asking for it!"

"Nooo, please don't! Bisharp, return!"

The blade-bodied creature is sucked away into a ball in Par's hand, and he stops to pant with his hands on his knees.

"Fucker, you did have a monster besides the scythe-head one!" Ghost accuses.

"I do, but... but Reinzi gave me this one..." Par says, his breathing slowly returning to normal. "Its job is, uh... well, it's basically a security guard for this town. I don't want to distract it with fighting when it has a job to do!"

"I guess it was running at me like a fucking serial killer because I was too loud or some shit, then," Ghost surmises. Still better than what he'd done to Bismark before.

Feeling a little sorry, Ghost digs out an item for healing paralysis and holds it out. He looks away and scratches his cheek, waiting for Par to take it. When he does, Ghost sees him smile in his peripheral vision.

"I... I'll be honest with you. I don't want to fight you. I can call Absol back at any time, I just didn't want to..."

"Fucker. How'd I know you were holding out on me?"

"If you feel like fighting me is important, I'll get Absol. Meet me by the fountain whenever you're ready," he says, and then he walks off. Ghost decides to give him some time to call Absol and continues wandering the town. In the very center, a red-roofed building lies immediately next to its blue counterpart. Ghost peeks inside the red one, seeing plenty of Elsens within. Inside the blue one...

"Why, hello, again."

Of course. Even outside of weird, way too long dreams, Zacharie is kind of a freak who can just appear whenever and wherever he pleases. Ghost would roll his eyes if he weren't physically incapable of doing so, but Zacharie chuckles knowingly as if he saw the nonexistent gesture.

"Oh, fuck off, I don't have any more credits for you," Ghost grumbles at him before stepping right back out of the building, empty once more aside from the merchant in his obnoxiously cute Pikachu mask.

There's one more notable building by the red and blue roofs, and Ghost takes a quick look inside. The place is packed, and his eyes fall on an Elsen kneeled down beside a cute little dog monster, fixing a ribbon around its neck.

"Um... are you here to enter a contest?" another speaks from beside Ghost.

"Contest? Like an arm wrestling contest? Knight would kick ass at that."

"N... no? Pokémon contests... you know, like... beauty contests..."

Oh, fuck that noise.

"Yeah, no."

Ghost instantly loses interest in the place and wanders back out. Might as well go see if Par got Absol back yet.

As soon as the fountain is in view, so too are Par and Absol. He's idly petting her while he waits for Ghost, his hand disappearing in the fluff at her neck.

"Alright, let's make this quick," Ghost says rather than announce himself. Par immediately stands and takes his place across from Ghost.

"Okay... it'll be over soon."

Rotom is out without Ghost's input again, but he's intrigued by what it did to Bisharp earlier anyway, so he gives the dex a quick read to ascertain which move Rotom had used earlier before commanding it to repeat the action: Thunder Wave.

Absol begins struggling to move, her eyes squeezing shut and squinting back open as she attempts to remain steadfast. She manages to fight through the paralysis for long enough to lash out at Rotom, those sharp red eyes practically glowing as the dex informs Ghost that Night Slash was a critical hit. As such, Rotom spins in the air and falls dizzily, and Ghost calls it back before it can hurt itself on the ground.

"Fuck. Okay, uh..."

According to the dex, Dark is super effective against the Ghost type... which is all Ghost has. Knight is sturdy but slow, and Haunter is quick but fragile...

He sends out Knight next and hopes the paralysis will help with the speed issue. Luckily, Absol is struggling too much to move before Knight, which gets off a Heavy Slam on it. Absol hears Par commanding her, but as soon as she squirms out from under Knight's side, she seizes up and holds still as electricity crackles around her. Knight has enough time to set off an Earthquake and Absol barely survives.

The sparks aren't enough to hold her back this time as the glint returns to her eyes and she darts at Knight with another critical Night Slash, bringing even the sturdy giant to its knees.

"Holy shit," Ghost blanches, genuinely impressed.

"Absol... I'm sorry it's turning out like this," Par says, reaching for her as if he wants to stop the fight early, but he brings his hand back and allows Ghost to finish it, commanding his barely conscious monster to send Absol flying with a Shadow Punch. She slides across the ground on her feet and crashes into Par, who kneels down to hold her before returning her to her ball.

"I, uh... feel kind of like a bully now," Ghost says, a sheepish hand on the back of his neck. He returns Knight and floats over to Par.

"It's okay. You would have been screwed if Absol didn't get paralyzed," Par states, and even Ghost can see he's right.

"Ain't that the fuckin' truth," he snorts.

Par stands and brushes the dirt off of his knees.

"If you're trying to fight everyone, could you do me a huge favor? Lepi has been causing a ruckus lately..."

"Say no more."

"It's kind of weird for him to go out of his way to stand out, though. He usually keeps his weirdness to his own file. Anyway, he's in the next town over, and I think Reinzi might still be there too."

Good, two birds with one fist. After those two, Ghost just has to finally track down Carbine and then go back to Flo and see if he can't kick his ass.

"Oh, uh... one more thing," Par says, and with the way things have been going, Ghost expects him to pull out a disc or a ball.

"You use Ghost types, so I figured you might want to know... You know that town you came from to get here? In it, there's a huge empty building that people have been saying houses a Spiritomb."

"A what?"

"A really strong Ghost type. It's also a Dark type, so I was thinking about investigating it too, but I'll let you have a chance first."

"Interesting. Pretty sure I already looked in that building, though, and there was jack shit in there," Ghost says.

"Yeah, that's why it's considered a rumor. But it is a ghost after all, so... maybe at night..? I don't know. It's just what I heard."

"Thanks for the tip, Par. I'll go kick the shit out of Lepi now."

Par laughs.

"Thank you. And, good luck! ... I think you might need it."

Well, that's not fucking foreboding. Either way, Ghost is done with this town. Time to find Lepi.


	3. Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know dynamaxing only lasts for three turns but uhhh [checks notes] this is a dream sequence

Ghost figures he will take care of the Lepi situation first, and then swing back to look for Spiritomb once he's ready to go see Flo again. Giga Drain and Thunderbolt both come in handy on the next route, as it's filled mainly with Water types. Some of the Elsens have donned hats and are sitting at the edges of the water to fish.

"I don't think it should be allowed to get that big..."

"I don't like big bugs..."

Some more of the Elsens are chattering and Ghost guesses there must be some large bug monsters up ahead somewhere. No matter where he looks, though, it's mainly just Water types and a couple of Dark types.

One Elsen looks particularly freaked out, standing silently by an innocuous sign with wide eyes.

"... You okay?" Ghost asks, cautious of the Elsen turning out to be a burnt.

"B-bug..." he wheezes, offering no additional details.

Ghost raises a brow but leaves the Elsen to his devices. There's a tunnel up ahead, and when Ghost begins crossing it, a swarm of flying insect monsters harmlessly pass him by. They're quite large for bugs, at least going by what Ghost is used to, but they're pretty much normal by Pokémon standards. He watches them fly by, trying to see if any of them stand out at all. One of the moth-looking ones looks exactly like its purple friends but is colored a sparkly blue, but other than the shine off of that one, the rest of the monsters don't catch his eye.

They flutter off into the surrounding nature as soon as they've made it through the tunnel. With how much the Elsens were freaking out about bugs, Ghost is surprised he made it through without an encounter.

The city is only a few meters away from the tunnel, and Ghost pauses as an... odd feeling tugs at him. He can't put his finger on it. He scratches his head as he floats through the city, keeping an eye out for any Harbingers. The feeling seems to get stronger as the land dips into what seems less like a steep, natural incline and more like a crater. It's a bit odd that the grass and flowers are growing just fine in it considering how unnatural it seems.

"Drawn by the power spot?"

At first, Ghost thinks it's a random thought occurring to him; then a sour look sets on his face as he realizes Lepi is in his head.

"What the fuck's a power spot? And what's this I hear about you freaking people the fuck out?"

"Freak people "the fuck out"? Why in my name would someone ever accuse me of that?"

Even as he spews his bullshit, his eyes go black and seem to ooze down his face before pulling back up and returning to normal.

"Alright, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you now," Ghost says. He sends Haunter out, since he's been on a roll lately.

"Can I tell you something?" Lepi asks, but Ghost knows damn well he's going to say it anyway.

His face becomes a slashing cross-shape and his eyes empty and blue.

"You're at the end of the line," he warns, voice suddenly metallic in Ghost's head.

"Yeah, I'm at the end of the fucking line, alright! That just means I'm done waiting to kick the motherfucking shit out of you!"

Lepi pulls out a ball, and Ghost doesn't even get a decent look at it before it suddenly grows in size-- maybe quadruple. What comes out when Lepi throws it is an absolutely monstrous butterfly, the sheer size of it overshadowing the entire crater. Its body blocks the sun entirely.

"Holy fucking shit."

"Correct."

"Oh, shut the fuck up, nobody fucking asked your pompous ass!"

Anything Ghost can do feels like it'll be pathetic against this gargantuan monster, but he has Haunter use Thunderbolt to start with. Even though the dex reads it as super effective, Butterfree barely notices it.

Lepi is, of course, commanding his monster telepathically, which would normally leave Ghost clueless if he wasn't already looking at the dex. It tells him that Butterfree is using Max Mindstorm just as it starts moving in his peripheral vision. The move itself is just as massive and catastrophic as the monster using it, and Haunter goes down without a damn fight. Maybe he is a little fragile.

Figuring paralysis might save him again, Ghost sends out Rotom next. It manages to get its Thunder Wave off, but is then taken right out by another Mindstorm.

Lepi's eyes are smiling.

"Wipe that smugshit grin off your FUCKING face, you heaping stack of fucking bug shit!" Ghost seethes.

"Grin? Why, I have no mouth with which to grin. But, I can fix that little problem with ease."

The blank skin on his face pulls open to reveal a gruesome maw with entirely too many teeth. If Ghost weren't already extremely used to grotesque monsters, he might cringe at the sight. Because he doesn't, though, Lepi puts it away and returns his expression to two mere eyes. Comparably less obnoxious.

Ghost sends out Knight and has it use Fire Punch, watching as it leaps an impossible height just to reach the monster, but that doesn't prove to be quite enough either. He holds his breath as Butterfree moves again, the dex telling him that it's using G-Max Befuddle. It looses a swarm of energy shaped like butterflies, and they flock to Knight and envelop it. The damage isn't as devastating as Mindstorm had been, but it leaves Knight paralyzed, just like Butterfree.

Both slowed by the paralysis, Butterfree gets to move first again, and the dex says it's Max Airstream. The wind whips around Knight and stings Ghost's eyes even from his distance, and Butterfree seems to flap its wings with just a little more energy now. Knight tries to unleash another attack, but Ghost tenses up when it fails to move. Butterfree's wings stutter in the air and it falls a short distance before catching itself, kicking up much less harmful wind as it does, and Knight finally gets ahold of itself and takes another powerful jump to punch the everloving shit out of that butterfly.

It more than stutters this time, its wings falling lax as it drops through the air with Knight, shrinking as it goes. Lepi's eyes are wide as he watches Butterfree fall, catching the still considerably large insect in his arms when it reaches him. Knight lands heavily on both feet, toppling onto its knees as the paralysis takes hold again. Ghost offers it a proud, encouraging smile before returning it to let it rest.

"... I can't believe this," Lepi says, thoroughly shocked. "How could you even have the heart to harm such a magnificent creature?"

"Your giant fucking bug has been terrorizing people, dipshit. Either make it smaller or keep it in its shitting ball."

Lepi's eyes disappear off of his face for a moment. When they return, they're looking away from Ghost.

"Yes, War came to communicate the same to me earlier. I suppose I'll be returning to my file now."

"Good fucking riddance."

Lepi rolls his eyes and opens a portal in the ground behind him, falling back into it with a dramatic flair. There's a ball on the ground where he'd been standing.

Ghost picks it up, curious. What pops out is a floating, motionless... husk. Its eyes are mostly closed and completely empty, and it has what looks like a halo floating above its head. The dex indicates that... it...

"... FUCKING _ONE HP?!_ "


	4. War, Famine, and...

Its initial appearance was a shock to Ghost, but he has quickly turned around on Shedinja. For some reason, no moves seem to be able to hit it, which he thinks kicks major ass. The Water types on the previous route can't so much as touch it.

When Ghost pops back into the city, figuring he's done enough idle fighting, he finds Reinzi waiting for him by the red-roofed building. At the sight of him, Ghost instinctively straightens his posture and becomes very conscious of his facial expression.

"It seems I'm a bit late, but you sent Lepi away, right? Thank you. I've been trying to get rid of him for a good few days now," he says, his mouth as flatly set as ever, but his tone is as pleasant as it's going to get.

"You can thank me by fighting me," Ghost says, cutting straight to the point. He adjusts his team so Rotom can come out first.

Reinzi raises a brow at the challenge.

"Odd way of saying thanks, but if it's a fight you want..." He steps away from the building and begins walking in the direction of the giant crater. "I'll be waiting for you."

Alright, sweet. After Reinzi, Ghost just has to finally track down Carbine and then make his way back to Flo. That should cover all of the Harbingers, and then he can probably wake up from this dream.

Something tugs at his heart when he thinks that, though. He looks at the little icons of his team on the dex's screen and realizes he's grown attached to the little guys. It'd be a shame if he never saw them again...

Still, though, he can't dream forever. He'll heal up and go to challenge Reinzi, bringing him one step closer to the end.

On the way to the crater, a blur of white and purple gallops past Ghost, nearly colliding with him. He stares after it for a few seconds, taking in the almost perfume-like sweet scent it left on the wind, before resuming his path towards Reinzi.

When the crater comes into view, Ghost sees Reinzi standing proud and firm with his arms behind his back, a giant panda-like monster standing beside him with its arms crossed. The creature looks irate and powerful, and Ghost kind of wants one.

"By the way, you seen Carbine anywhere? She's the last one I've gotta find after you," Ghost brings up. Reinzi gives him a little tilt of the head.

"I saw her not five minutes ago," he says.

As if on cue, Ghost hears galloping again. The blur slows to a halt by Reinzi, and Ghost sees Carbine lounging on the back of a fantastical-looking horse. It shakes its wind-tossed mane and Carbine gives it a pat before hopping off.

"Hey Reinz, hey Ghost. I heard my name?"

"Fuck, I thought you were supposed to be like two towns back. The fuck are you doing here?" Ghost asks. Carbine kind of grimaces.

"Um... well, L-- uhh... you know who, was trying to get my attention, and he was sort of..."

"Causing devastation in his wake," Reinzi provides.

"Yeah, that. So I figured I'd stick by where he already was so he wouldn't be able to follow me anywhere. Seems like he's gone now, though!"

"We have Ghost Batter to thank for that."

"Yeah, I do tend to be the motherfucking freak patrol," Ghost says, with a hint of pride despite the silly concept.

"Oh, finally. Thank you so much!"

"Thank me by fighting me," he says. Reinzi huffs, a nearly imperceptible smirk on his face.

"Yeah, that's what he said to me, too."

Carbine scratches her head and shrugs.

"Okay, two in one, then. War and Famine will team up to beat this Ghost's ass!"

Carbine's horse gets into position beside Reinzi's panda.

"Uh, wait..."

"Send out two Pokémon!" Carbine says.

"Two? At once?"

"That is how double battles work, yes," Reinzi says.

Ghost looks at his dex, trying to determine the best combination and coming up blank. Picking pretty much at random, Ghost sends out Rotom and Haunter.

As soon as the battle is on, Carbine starts by having her horse envelop the field in that same effect Lepi had caused earlier. The dex warns him that Psychic Terrain is active. Lepi hadn't actually used it to his advantage before, but it was also merely a side effect from a highly damaging move. Carbine probably has an actual strategy around it.

Ghost has Haunter and Rotom double up on Pangoro with Thunderbolt and Thunder Wave. It roars its irritation against the crackling electricity, and the dex indicates successful paralysis.

It doesn't succumb, though, and Reinzi... tells it to "coach" Carbine's monster? The two of them have a little chat in their monster language and the dex alerts Ghost that Rapidash's stats have been raised.

On the next turn, Carbine orders Rapidash to use Psycho Cut, and Rotom quickly goes down. Haunter gets a Shadow Punch off on Rapidash, but it doesn't do much despite being super effective.

"Uh... you know Haunter is a special attacker, right?" Carbine asks. "Because, like... yeah, its physical attack kinda sucks."

"Well, why the fuck's he got fists if they aren't for punching?!"

"Pangoro, use Facade."

"What?! Am I the only one who knows anything around here?! Normal moves don't affect Ghosts!"

Reinzi slowly turns his head to Carbine, and Haunter levitates in place with a grin as Pangoro approaches. Somehow, the fucker actually _hits_ Haunter, dealing a ludicrous amount of damage. He hangs on by a mere thread.

"... Ohhh, Scrappy. Okay," Carbine says, and Ghost has no idea what the hell that means.

Since Rotom is down, Ghost sends out Knight to replace it.

Carbine orders Rapidash to use Expanding Force, which manages to hit both Haunter and Knight. Knight weathers the attack with some difficulty, but Haunter easily goes down, as his health was already low. Knight gets off a powerful Earthquake that apparently _also_ has the capability to hit multiple opponents, as Rapidash and especially Pangoro both struggle to stand their ground. Pangoro snarls and raises a paw, but it remains low to the ground where it stands, eyes squeezed shut against the paralysis.

With no other options left, Ghost sends out Shedinja. Carbine pulls a face at the sight of it, and Ghost wonders if she knows it belonged to Lepi.

"Okay, Play Rough with that big old golem!" Carbine commands. Rapidash comes barrelling at Knight, who reacts in time to shove at its throat and step aside, halting its momentum and leaving it to walk a little ways away and attempt to catch the breath that had been knocked out of it.

"Oh, come ON!"

Knight looses another Earthquake and Pangoro finally drops to its knees, spent. Reinzi claps a hand onto its shoulder before returning it and watching the rest of the fight play out.

Shedinja sends a creeping flame floating over to Rapidash, setting it alight.

"Just use Psycho Cut, that doesn't miss so often!"

Its sharp horn tears at Knight's armor-like body, and the dex tells him it's a critical hit. Knight goes down, leaving a burning unicorn and a dead bug. Ghost is probably fucked.

"Do you have anything super effective?" Reinzi asks Carbine.

"Uh... well... no..."

"I see the battle is decided, then."

Try as it might, none of Rapidash's moves can hit Shedinja. Shedinja can't do much damage on its own, but its efforts combined with the lasting damage of the burn eventually slow Rapidash until it falls, somehow serene as it rests in the lush field.

"Okay, that was bullshit! Who even uses Shedinja?!"

"Carbine. We lost."

"Yeah, I know! I'm not blind!"

"Calm down."

Carbine rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. Hope you got what you wanted. Thanks for sending Lepi away," she says. She's the first to start making her way out of the crater.

"Ugh, god, I said his name!" she shrieks in the distance once realization hits her.

"What's your goal now, then?" Reinzi asks.

"Gotta figure out how the fuck I'm gonna beat Flo's dipshit super chicken. Maybe he won't be able to hit Shedinja?"

"Not possible, if it's Flo we're talking about. Fire would get through Wonder Guard."

"Well, shit."

"Do you have to beat him or just fight him?" Reinzi asks, and it'd be a good fucking question if Ghost wasn't still stuck here after fighting the last two Harbingers.

"I think I have to beat him," he says. Unless there's something else keeping him in the dream.

"Well, paralysis helped you take down Pangoro. Here, give this to Rotom and it should survive long enough to do the same to... the, uh... "super chicken"."

Reinzi hands him a sash, and Ghost shrugs.

"Thanks, I'll try it," he says.

"I'll start informing the inhabitants that it's safe to come home. See you again," Reinzi bids, and then he's walking past Ghost, leaving him alone with his thoughts. If Rotom does manage to paralyze Blaziken, it'll be slow enough that his other Pokémon should be able to chip away at it... Plus, if he goes and catches that Spiritomb Par told him about, it'll be five against one. Even though Blaziken is completely overpowered, Ghost thinks he might be able to beat it.

"Okay, time to search that fuckin' house again, I guess."

He heals up, makes his way back through two towns, heals up again, and finally heads to the abandoned building. What awaits him inside?

Well, it's fucking empty. All that walking-- _floating_ \-- and the building is still just as empty as the last time Ghost checked. He cups his hands around his mouth and shouts into the dark halls.

"Hey! Any fucking ghosts in here?!"

Red eyes glow in the darkness and stun Ghost into a brief silence.

"Spiritomb..?" he assumes, but the figure comes forward and begins to gleam in the dim light, revealing the silhouette of a giant bird.

"Oh me, oh my. Someone's where he shouldn't be."

Was that the fucking bird speaking? It couldn't be. Ghost looks around but can't see anything else in the pitch darkness. Somewhere to his right, he hears gears starting to turn, but no matter how much he squints, he still can't see shit.

Footsteps now, in front of him. Ghost snaps to attention, waiting for any trace of light to give him a hint as to what he's looking at. He sees a dimly glowing blue visor, given the illusion of disembodiment, and a digital depiction of eyes blink slowly at him. Something about this seems familiar.

"Who the fuck are you?" Ghost asks.

"Maybe it's not who I am, so much as who I was." The eyes scribble out to twice their size, completely inhuman in their appearance, and the gears start getting louder, like they're right inside Ghost's head. "Some might have called me... a way out."

Ghost's eyes snap open and suddenly the room is filled with light. He's staring at the ceiling-- no, it's _his_ ceiling. Whatever just happened, it finally woke him up. Fuck, he has a headache.

He wants to throw the blanket off and engulf himself in the real world, as if to express how grateful he is to be back in it, but he finds no energy to do anything but glare at his surroundings. He'll get up later. He just hopes he doesn't fall back asleep.


End file.
